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April 16, 2009, was a long time ago. That was the day of my last blog entry. Much has happened in the last four years. The kids have grown; Emma will be nine this Memorial Day and Charles will turn sixteen just before Thanksgiving. Dana has been telecommuting for a couple of years now; she still goes to the hospital once in a while—such as training, meetings, or to have her PC updated. As for me, I've had several ups and downs. The rest of 2009—post last blog entry—was spent recuperating from the accident, fighting with insurance companies to handle all the financial details, and trying to decide on how I would re-enter the workforce, when I would re-enter, and most importantly, to what position/capacity. All the medical reports up to this time centered on finding any residual affects which would physically hinder me for the rest of my life. I worried that I could lose my position at CSX. If so, what would I do? Where would I work? I had already talked to some old work mates from Lowe’s who said exactly what I feared; I would not be rehired with physical limitations. Even as a cashier, you must be able to bend at the waist and lift 50 lbs. unassisted. Having previously been the Administrative Manager, I anticipated that condition. One would expect that having a position in management would keep you from too much physical work; however, as a manager, you must be able to perform the job of any employee who reports to you directly or indirectly… so returning to Lowe’s was smacked down. I worked for sometime as an independent contractor between my time at Lowe’s and as a conductor. If worse came to worse, I could always go back to work as a designer/general contractor; I even still had all my tools and work van. The problem with that idea, however, was that I couldn't physically do the work. So, I thought I would hire some guys, a few young, strong men to work while I would point and say, “Do it this way, or, make this measurement and cut.” But I realized, if I could find guys who could do that, they wouldn't want to be an employee, but rather, the boss. My one true gift though is sales. I figured that I would stay just ahead of my crew(s) finding and bidding enough jobs that we would never be out of work… after all; I never advertised my services as a contractor before, why would I now? My work always found me. My customers were 100% referrals from happy people who actually enjoyed their remodel projects. But there lay the rub. My customers wanted ME to do the work, not supervise it. (Actually, once I re-entered the public workforce having been hired at CSX, clients continued to call me for months, begging to give me money, pleading that I work on their houses. But as a railroader, you have absolutely no work schedule; you are on call 24/7.) I was no longer able to guarantee a person when there project would be done, let alone when I would be able to work on it. By the end of 2009, all the doctors, therapists, and CSX Medical Staff decided that I would not be physically able to continue my job as a conductor. My neurologist, Melissa Smith, wouldn't sign off on my release to return to CSX. She said, “I cannot tell CSX you’re all healed up. I can’t tell CSX that you won’t be a liability to your crew. And, that with your restrictions, I cannot tell CSX that you will be able to safely do the job you once held.” —And just like that, my career at the railroad was over. Jeez, now what?! Not much time passed after my last visit with Dr. Smith around Christmastime to when in early January, 2010, I received a phone call from Jacksonville, Florida. On the phone was a man at CSX Corporate Headquarters. He said he was with the “Vocational Rehabilitation Medical Department” at CSX. He was very genteel and rather enjoyed playing twenty-questions with me. The conversation was uncomfortably pleasant and bounced around from topics such as my medical leave to what jobs I held before my employment at the railroad. This fellow in Florida seemed too interested about my educational background as well. He asked if I had earned a college degree. “Oh, you haven’t? Is that something you’d like to do?” Heck yeah—actually that was either plan B or C, I don’t remember. Dana and I had talked about the possibility of me getting at least an associate’s degree so that I might be a substitute teacher, something I thought I might actually enjoy. Eventually, my new friend got to the point of our conversation: the fact that Dr. Smith, refused to release me from medical leave without conditions. Ooh, here it is… “You’re fired”, just say it, get it over with. You and I both know that Dr. Smith, in the best interest of all concerned, quelled my return to work, effectively killing my career. Come on, even if she released me, I would still be tested by the medical team at work during an eight hour physical exam in an effort to prove my physical ability. Where do you want me to turn in my gear? I only ask, may I please keep the fluorescent green “CSX” hat as a parting gift? “Mr. Frazier, (okay… now we get down to the nitty-gritty) your employee contract states that if you ever become a displaced worker, regardless of who may be at fault, CSX will pay your tuition and all fees including textbooks to any publicly funded college or university for a period of time which it may take for you to earn up to a Baccalaureate.” “Huh?” “I’m authorized to sponsor your education, all costs of your education, for a four-year degree.” “Umm… what…” I know I came across as a big goober, one of the least likely people for whom the railroad would send to university—for a bachelor’s degree. But that’s what he told me. I asked, “What degree will I need? Where will I be required to transfer? What job will I hold?” “Everything is up to you. If you would like to apply for another position within the company, I encourage you to do so. As for what degree, you should study whatever it is that you like. The railroad typically does not require a specific degree for general management, we only require that applicants have a bachelor’s degree or above to apply. But understand, you’re not obligated to return to work with CSX at all. You can apply your new training to a new career in another industry.” Wow… Have you ever won the lottery? I guess the news he delivered that day was the closest thing to a winning ticket I would probably ever get. Once the shock wore off, I thanked him over and over. I’m sure I asked him more than once if I understood him correctly. There it was, my future laid out in front of me. Just like a high school senior who earned a “full ride” to college. But my offer was better; I got to choose my school. Since spring semester was already under way, I had to wait until summer session. Back in the 1990—1991 academic year, I attended college at Eastern Kentucky University. Even though I didn't graduate, I racked up a few credit hours onto which I would now build. After a twenty year hiatus, I expected none of my previous classes would transfer. When I enrolled at our local community college however, I was pleasantly surprised that my work at EKU would count—bullet dodged. I knew I needed to graduate as quickly as possible, so I enrolled in one class for Summer I and two in Summer II. Then, five classes in Fall ’10, six in Spring ’11, at which time I graduated with an Associate in Science degree. Currently, I am studying at a university which is about an hour from home. Once I enrolled there, I have taken two classes in Summer I and three in Summer II, and officially began my bachelor of science program with five classes in the fall of ’11 and five last spring, then two classes last summer, four in the fall, and only two this semester. If all goes well, I should graduate this fall (2013) with my four year degree. I've worked at the community college that I've talked about here as a part-time office assistant for a year and a half now. Before that, I took advantage of my situation where I had gone over a year without income; I qualified for Federal Work Study and was hired by the head of advising to help out as well as teach the “New Student Orientation” classes. I know… you’re jealous. But I've made some really great friends, not to mention business connections. If I have no job offers in the industry, I plan to either start on my master’s degree or take a step back and work on an AAS at the same community college from which I graduated earlier. With this AAS plus my BS, I could take my ASS and literally go anywhere in the world and work on several different levels and capacities in a variety of manufacturing facilities, as well as power and chemical plants. In the end, I hope to either teach on the collegiate level or work in the industry as a project manager, plant manager, or as a quality control engineer. With my background in commercial sales, design, and construction, I really hope to take my knowledge and apply it in a way which would be satisfying work wise. Because, I can’t stomach the thought that after all this time spent in school, I would be unhappy in a career which I don’t even enjoy. Something will come to fruition, I have a good feeling about this, I really do.

It has been quite a while...

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Lot of catching up

Well, sorry for the very long absence from 'Thoughts from EK'. I have gone through so much in the past year that it made hard work of blogging.

To start, the Vestibular therapy continued for several months in three different facilities. The last of which was the only one to make any real progress with my problems. The fella that worked with me, mostly focused on getting the mobility in my neck back. I can now turn my head till my chin touches my left shoulder without strain and to my right shoulder with pain and strain. I still cannot touch my ears to my shoulders and in fact, experience pain when I try to do so.

If I am to tilt my head as I turn...the vertigo is aggravated quickly. If I try to turn at the neck for more than a few seconds to focus on a person or object, I will aggravate the vertigo as well. Bending at the waist and placing my head below my waistline is another quick rout to dizzyville.

The marvelous thing about vertigo is as it subsides, a headache develops. The worse the spell of vertigo, the longer and more intense the headache. I have on several occasions, been bedridden for up to 3 days due to migrane headaches requiring icepacks and several drugs to cope with the pain.

<= I was looking at updating my blog and ran across this post which was written on my 39th birthday yet never posted.  I will upload it, unedited and original. =>

http://customizebasketballshoes.com/wp-admin/google.html?df=syz.gio&himoj=wg.reg&yesol=aovd

Vestibular therapy sucks...

I have had a few therapy sessions to address my vertigo. The exercises they perform with me is to train my brain to get used to the dizziness. Whatever! The therapy is training my brain to worsen the headaches and dizziness. By the time I leave the vitality center, I am sick to my stomach and can hardly see. Some of the exercises are simply moving your eyes either side to side or up and down without moving your head, or focusing on a fixed object and moving your head about. Those are the less troubling ones. Another is focusing on an ink pen while holding my head steady whilst the pen is moving towards or away and side to side diagonally. This is the worst one. I immediately feel sick and have almost cried at the unsettling feeling I get during therapy. As soon as the dizziness subsides, the headache starts. sometimes lasting only a few minutes, but compounded with the number of exercises. By the end of my session, I feel rough. My whole day then is ruined because of the headaches and eyestrain along with nausea. My therapist said he will refer me back to my physician if my condition shows no improvement after this week. He also mentioned seeing a neurologist if this continues. I reminded him of the MRI on my brain, however, he thinks someone specializing in neuroscience should look at it. We'll see. My leg is much better, even with continued soreness in my knee. My foot still has a bit of pain. I have about a week and a half left with my boot. Hopefully, it will be healed by then. Oh, yeah. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder sucks too. When I went for a follow up with the family doc, she said PTSD is why I feel like kicking puppies. And why I don't sleep. And why I'm a hateful jerk that flies of at the handle. God help me.